Yep, this was one of my thoughts this might be a seriously overactive anxiety problem at work. A room like that in any other city would cost 3 or 4 times that. Hes not Master of the House. My grandmother pays for the trip. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation Remember, what happens in Vegas stays on YouTube forever. I dont think people are misreading; I think that the phrasing is confusing but that context indicates its meaning. Thanks for weighing in, Working Wife; were on your side, and we hope you can resolve this. Setting up for a convention and working it and then the take down. I have some of this kind of anxiety myself and totally understand where your wife is coming from. Just like someone might look for a spouse who is athletic or smart or has a certain sense of humor or earning power, it might be important that FutureSpouse has the skills to share a household with the in-laws. Last I time I checked 2017 hadnt fully turned into The Handmaids Tale and women were allowed to travel for work without permission from their husband. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationray florets and disc florets are present in 2022.07.03 . Hah. Hes worried the worst would happen: I cheat, someone spikes my drink, someone kidnaps me He says he has asked other people about the situation and everyone objects that they would even let their significant other go. FWIW, my husband went on a business trip to Vegas last year when I was pregnant and feeling like crap. I LOVE it when my wife travels. When I was in grad school my mom once had a fit that I was walking home from class at around 4:45 pm on a random Tuesday evening. How would it feel if you lost your job or got demoted because you stopped travelling due to his shenanigans? Hopefully this question to AAM will lead in the direction of help. And to his credit, he cut it out. 2 junio, 2022; google load balancer path prefix rewrite; how much does it cost to join peninsula yacht club . I agree hes not acting reasonably; but answers like therapy are a long-term solutions to an immediate problem. So much wow. Holy smokes. What helped me was to realize that this is something Im prone to do, recognize it when its happening, and mentally tell myself whats real and whats not real. If you find that it seems like your husband is starting to use the counselors words against you to get you to do what he wants, then leave counseling. So, yeah, count me as baffled by his OMG, VEGAS IS SIN attitude. I was fine. We talked about it a lot and it turns out that most of his fears were based on baggage from previous relationships (2 of his exes cheated). Conflict resolution. In my family its my mother (yay genetics! And actually, trips apart are GOOD for our relationship, we miss each other like crazy after the first two days and it strengthens our bonds (and snuggles) when were reunited. PS: My third period class, mostly high-functioning autism cases, is split. Youve talked about what your husband thinks of the trip, and what you reckon the impact of going and not going would be on your career. Ive been to very big conferences in cities that cant really handle them, and its obnoxious to have to wait in line for 30 minutes to get coffee or make a hotel room reservation months and months in advance. He had experienced previous panic attacks on flights, hated the "cattle type" travel experience, and at 6'2+ was uncomfortable in the tiny airplane seats. We felt safe walking around at 2AM. Sure within reason. Ack. When I moved to a big city to go to grad school, I got ALL KINDS of concern, especially when I started working swing shift and got home at midnight! Its really way to easy to armchair diagnose, and its not helpful. He needs to manage his insecurities and not force them all on you and your career. I did manage to save the relaionship (even though Mothers anxiety never went away; be prepared for that too) I truly hope that you can save your relationship with your spose, OP. the religious environments patriarchal enough that it would be an inherent problem would ALSO have a problem with the woman being the one who works. I hope you go to Vegas and find love with someone who doesnt treat you like property. You know you can go to Vegas and have fun and not be kidnapped or drugged. Yeah theres a mosque and an Islamic centre, but Ive been into both for visit my mosque day and the imam was happy to talk to me (a white non-religious woman) and everyone was very nice and gave us snacks, so yeah. For another, unless the husband is a lot more clever than it seems from the letter and follow ups, a good counselor would be useful to the OP, even if it is abuse. Ill be finding myself an apartment when I get back from Vegas. That shows lack of trust in me, and thats no bueno. Husband Hates Socializing - Chabad.org The same counselors that would demand that the woman submit would also tell the husband to man up and provide for his wife. It also couldnt be. Then everyone is sober. Shes gone twice now and all they do is drink and gamble! I had no other work pending and a ton of free time, so what did I do? It could be, but its tougher to stay up all night gambling and partying in the middle of the week in NY or SF. My spouse (temporarily) lives in a different state than me and if I call them and they dont answer my mind immediately assumes that theyve been in a car accident. My mother too. Untreated anxiety is a meat grinder to relationships. We get to decide what level of irrationality we are willing to handle in a relationship and if its based in fear and being used to limit who you want to be, that just doesnt work. That leads me to believe his concerns are less altruistic. And have been wanting to take the Grand Canyon tour. The Rio does have huge rooms! Indifference. Both individuals will benefit from communication tools to use in challenging this kind of worry-filled thinking. My husband was recently sent to Vegas for a week on two days notice and my response was pretty much the same. For example, Fiance didnt want me to take night classes for my certification because the parking lot had a lot of trees and shrubs where predators could hideand there were a lot of guys taking these classes. (FWIW Im married and work FT and during tax season Ive come home at 10-12 PM. Me: I dunno, man, that seems pretty significant to me. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. You dont deserve to be treated that way. Prostitution is NOT legal in Las Vegas. Some of the really big conventions and annual conferences only have a few places to choose from. There are several important issues to consider, however, when deciding if your husband should go on vacation with you. And yeah, they probably need some counseling, and people often start off with Marriage counseling before moving on to individual counseling *on advice of their counselor*! 4 Things To Remember When Taking Your Partner On A Family Vacation For Does he take this incredibly low view of your character whenever youre apart from him, or is that just a terrible assumption he makes about you when you travel to Vegas? In THAT case, that is a super not-normal response, and its very strange that theres a whole group of people who support this thinking. The good part is that I was able to figure out why I had that reaction, which (mostly) made it go away. Studies show that men who are outearned by their wives and cannot cover the households bills with their own income generally act out more about their successful wives. Go on your trip! Your husband has insane insecurity issues. After my husband and I boarded the plane, I began my ritual of praying . Vegas is a perfectly lovely city where people raise families and everything!! Is this the only thing he gets so on-edge about? But refusing to participate in the arguments and the anxiety spirals by hanging up and walking out saved my relationship with both my parents in the long-term. But please ask yourself if this is an isolated incident, or if there have been other times when your husband has expressed this kind of feeling when you go out with friends for dinner, is it less likely that youll be kidnapped somehow? (I would be in the back with the baby and my older daughter). In fact, it has been a trying fifteen . Im curious if your husband is perhaps someone who has never really traveled anywhere, and the whole prospect of travel gets his anxiety going? You might want to change, but also can't. If you need to go out and do things, go do those with your friends and family, or even initially-strangers via v. I dont even know what city he is in sometimes just because he will tell me about five trips at once and I cannot remember which is what week. Just in case. Also theres a debate up thread about if prostitution is legal in Vegas (seems to be no, but it is legal nearby). If he doesnt trust you, and is otherwise not riddled with anxiety, whats causing that? Maybe he needs counseling for anxiety. His concerns are irrational, the trip is a reasonable expectation from your employer, and so you need to go and let him manage his feelings about it. Its a big deal, but its not the end of the world for either of you. Its been a while, but the last time I went to Vegas, we went to a Cirque du Soleil show, did a lot of shoe shopping, and took a drive out to the hoover dam (and took a cool tour). I know its easier to say Leave him! to someone else than it is to actually leave your spouse but please know that leaving him over this would not be an overreaction. There are lots of places in the country where the approach the OP describes is perfectly normal, and where its a lot harder work to find somebody who disagrees. My wife has said that the best way to think about it is that theres a problem with how I view things. Yes, we were taking advantage of the fact that 19/20 year olds can go to the pub in the UK, but we were still hanging out with the professor while we did so. Marriage should be about love, not control. Its a very highly policed city. My husband doesn't want to go because of the 14 hour car ride. I think theres sometimes a tendency in certain corners of the internet to equate I have to talk to my partner about X before I can do it or My partner doesnt want me to do Y with OMG controlling relationship!, when there are lots of circumstances where that kind of thing is totally reasonable. I actually didnt tell her I got K&R insurance when I worked in the Philippines and had to travel to an area where nearby skirmishes were going on and kidnappings WERE a concern. Whereas in reality, I just hope that this will be the time when Im on the subway at 1am and it wont be too crowded to get a seat. When I was a teen, she wouldnt even let me walk the dog around our boring, gated community if it was dark out. She is doing the heavy lifting in supporting the family and yet he wants to control and damage her control. Dude she failed to mention that she hid pictures of her with mail strippers and lied about it and when I seen what pictures she showed me she dressed up better than she ever dresses at home. Yes, you can absolutely get yourself in serious trouble in Vegas but you can also have the most dull weekend imaginable. My husband of 23 years has never objected to any business trips Ive taken (not even the week-long trip to the Bahamas when our daughter was 8 months old), so Im chiming in to say that whats going on with your husband is super abnormal in my experience. As Captain Awkward would put it: you have a husband problem, not a job problem. If this is a regular occurrence, it could be indicative of a larger problem, such as marital strife. Yes, this could actually be what he really is freaking out about, in my experience. Im someone who immediately leaps to the Worst Possible Scenario thanks to my anxiety. Some people really arent used to being apart from their partners. Maybe this has been mentioned already (I started skimming when all the comments were the same OUTRAGE) but, would it be possible for your husband to come with you on this trip? I don't think it won't be that bad though. I agree. I absolutely dread this. Husband doesn't want to go on family vacation That doesnt strike me as weird at all. I think she was happier than I was when I got married because, in her words Mr. And if you go to Roppongi or Kabuki-cho and get wasted at a sketchy bar, then yeah, turns out you have greatly increased the odds that someone will steal your wallet. Also have casinos on boats. I havent missed a day other than scheduled vacation. Hmm Shes probably going to cheat on me in Vegas because thats what people do in VegasWait I cant say that, of course shes going to deny ithmm, what else can I say to convince her to stay Kidnapping! I didnt read him as being a chauvinist. Then the next day drive another five hours and spend the night in a hotel then the final day if we drove five hours we would be at the beach. In the places where its legal, its still only legal at licensed brothelsof which there are 24 in the entire state. Just dont pack up and leave while theyre out of town and not even leave a note. My husband is like this, perhaps to a slightly lesser extent. Ive visited Las Vegas several times and loved it. People understand the environment and are very vigilant about what is going on. I agree. But Im not lazy I just love my wife and after 8 yrs of marriage Im worried shes bored with me. I got a sense of that with first part of the letter, but then the follow-up indicated he said his pals would not LET their spouses/sig others go well, thats a pretty bright red flag there. But I believe that talking it out in clear terms is step one, at least. Couples counseling is also useful for people with issues that make them disposed to try to please and/or look from approval from their therapist. I was going to say this, the touristy areas and especially the casinos are crawling with security and cameras. Why he wants to go alone. Couples counselling isnt about sharing blame as it is figuring out problems in the relationship and working together to find solutions. This is more his problem than yours. I was just coming here to ask if she asked him to Turn his key!. The touristy gloss. I read it as him being anxious and unreasonable. We split it into 3 traveling days both directions so it would be 6 hours and we are estimating 8 hour days, but know it could be longer. But he needs to sit down, fix a drink (I prefer Earl Grey, YMMV), and look at his actions and the state of his marriage. BTW- my husband didnt blink an eye when I told him I was going to Vegas for a whole week with a male co-worker. It doesnt have to be automatically a negative-value-weighted word (which is admittedly hard for me to do because of my own bad background with a controlling culture and religion) but on the flip-side, I think we should not give cultural differences veto power to prevent us from calling out specific and tally-able patterns of behaviors that some people see as personal red flags or interpersonal deal-breakers.