Twelfth son of the Lama. Steve Alten, Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. 150 Puns From All Walks of Life. 4. PG Wodehouse. Whos there? What did the golfer say after performing yoga? It keeps you young. Patty Berg, 29. Why do golfers carry a spare pair of golf shorts? Whats the easiest shot to make in golf? How you handle failure determines how successful you will be. Muffet McGraw, 26. Harry Vardon, There is no movement in golf that cannot be made more difficult through diligent study and practice. He doesnt hit the ball very far, but it goes straight. 150 Hilarious Golf Jokes And Puns 'Fore' Everyone Your fifth putt. Whats the shortest distance between the tee and the hole? Your butt reminds me of St Andrews.. Hard and Firm. Dirty Golf - pinterest.com How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course? Where do ghosts play golf in the afterlife? How about you bring two of your friends and we play a foursome? Why not! Just 130+ Golf Jokes So Funny They're A Hole In One - Scary Mommy Ive played the game for 50 years and I still havent the slightest idea of how to play. Gary Player, 39. What did the duck say to the golf ball? Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh. Funny Jokes - Dirty Golf Sayings If I learn that you are a fan of diving - I would suppose that your psychological portrait includes such features as curiosity, patience, and insistence. Go to the golf course. The cat crawls out at night to smoke them and we are trying to get him to quit. Funny and dirty medical pick-up lines and doctor hook-up lines. Of all the hazards, fear is the worst. Sam Snead, 27. Mark Twain, The average golfer doesnt play golf. Wanna be my caddy? 3 / 10. A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. Moe Norman, ALL of us play our very best game / Any other time / Golf or billiards, its all the same / Any other time / Lose a match and you always say, Just my luck! "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." I'm hoping to be a sore loser." Related: Best Ways On How To Flirt With A Guy Over Text? Originally posted by raffa nunyez. 350 Best Golf Quotes ideas | golf quotes, golf, golf humor - Pinterest "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance." Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. Unfortunately, it stopped three inches short of the hole dead on line. I promise to lick your balls clean and polish your shaft before and after each use during the upcoming golf season. Dirty jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be offensive. Dirty Quotes For Him "You can stay but your clothes must go." "Let's make love, then have a h0t dirty time." "I promise to always be by your side. I collected hilarious jokes about golfing; some are very clean and others are like an old golf ball: pretty used and dirty. Gerald Ford, I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because Id spent about half the day in the woods. In the morning, the woman woke up and arose from bed. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? Gerald Ford, If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. Noah golf pro who can fix your swing? David Brenner, For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. The smile looks really good on you. Golf is more complicated than that. Sawdust City LLC. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. I, with my lovely Wishian team, gather the expressions, sort them out, organize them with suitable background images, and serve them to you. G.K. Chesterton, I dont like to watch golf on television because I cant stand people who whisper. You must remember not to remember to think. If a bird sh#ts on your golf cart, do not ever take her golfing again. You look like you'd be a great ball-washer. "If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.". Very interesting. When is it too wet to play golf? Joey Adams, A well-hit golf shot is a feeling that goes up the shaft, right through your hands, and into your heart. Watch their eyes. I've been playing golf all day and would love to make you my 19th hoe. If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. Youngman is credited with inventing the "Take my wifeplease" trope. nay I my child, and eke, oh! You shot an eight. 5. In case he gets a hole in one. Jack Benny. I derive a great deal of pleasure from it, but it is disgusting to watch. I asked my caddie what he thought of my game. Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. 5. This post may contain affiliate links. Roarin' Mcllroy Don Adams, Theres an old saying in golf that when the wind blows the men are separated from the boys. Which is the easiest golf stroke? If you win through bad sportsmanship, thats no real victory. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 11. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." - Ben Hogan "I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators." - Gerald R. Ford "The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie." - Mickey Mantle "To find a man's true character, play golf with him." - P.G. That's why I'm hoping you, Bleacher Report readers, will add some of your own content in the comments. My drives aren't always long and straight. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, Its golf balls., The blond looked at him compassionately and said: Oh you poor thing. Why are golf and sex so similar? Tiger Woods can drive a ball three hundred yards! From the moment I saw you, I've had a vertical shaft angle. Of course, says the old man, when I was your age, that tree was only three feet tall.. Wodehouse Weve all been humbled by this game and have learned that a sense of humor can be the most important club in the bag. A young golfer was playing in his first PGA Tour event. -Bobby Jones Geoff Shackelford, Golf sits in that beautiful junction between perfection and frustration. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. Therefore weve combined it together and compiled these hilarious Golf Jokes for Seniors that Im sure youll like. Diller's comment is a great take on a bit of traditional golf advice. Whats the difference between golf and sex? If we weren't, we'd take up a less infuriating hobby, like knitting. A large pine tree sits in front of his ball, directly between it and the green. What hot new enhancement pill can you use to beef up your game? P-U-T-T means merely a futile attempt to do the same thing.. Jennifer Wyatt, Muscular freedom is probably more important in golf than in any other sport, but very few players take the trouble to get loosened up. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. Fantastic 4-some. 5. Please sign up with your best email address. Hitting the ball well is about thirty percent of it. What did the Mormon say to his golfing buddies? Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). 19+ Best Dirty Medical Pick Up Lines - Best Jokes and Puns Full Text: Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? When a golfer lies, he doesnt have to bring any proof home. Because you got me soaking wet. James Murray, Enjoyment of golf, regardless of the level you play at, is primarily based on how closely you play to your level of ability. Sam Snead. I like to go low. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." What's the difference between a golf ball and a car? 1. How can you tell which golfer is a womanizer? -Happy Gilmore. What does a golfer do on his day off? Gardner Dickinson, Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious. After his practice round he noticed a beautiful young woman by the clubhouse. You are signed up for our newsletter! He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. Have fun. I like big putts and I cannot lie. Golfing Quotes "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a -- Winston Churchill "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf and you can keep the fresh air and the -- Jack Benny "You can make a lot of money in this game. 2. The end. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton, 63. In case they get a hole-in-one! 2. I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. The means are as important as the ends. "It's good to see there is still some respect in the world." "Well, it's only right," the first golfer replies. I stepped on a rake.". How about grabbing two of your friends so we can play a foursome? Lorii Myers, Perhaps more than any other sport, golf focuses pressure on the player. The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes. John excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: Hey Don, come here. I Am Shuvo Saha. Your competitors are not allowed to hinder you, as they are in other sports. Why dont skeletons play golf? So we finish the 18th, and he's gonna stiff me. You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play where it lies." Bobby Jones 23. One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. Its just really hard to play. Or under. A smart shot is when you dont have the guts to try it. Phil Mickelson, 4. I play Bass. What do you call Jessica Alba joining you and your buddies for a round of golf? What do you call a lion playing golf? What do you getll a blonde at the driving range? Dirty Golf Jokes - Dirty Golfing Jokes - Jokes4us.com "Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Two men were playing a round golf, one of the men was just about to make his golf swing when he noticed a large funeral group passing by on a nearby road. All of them. You may share any of these heartfelt photos with funny golf quotes without hesitation. Check it out now! A man and his friend meet at the clubhouse to play a round of golf together. Ian Fleming, I drove a golf ball into the air / It fell to earth, I knew not where / For, so swiftly it flew, the sight / Could not follow it in its flight. It took one afternoon on the golf course. I have 10 sons, one more and I will have my own football team., To which the Mormon replies, You fellas aint got a clue. What did the golfer say to the hip hop dancer? A great golf course both frees and challenges a golfers mind. Tom Watson, 7. Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. George B. Kirsch, Nothing dissects a man in public quite like golf. Wodehouse, The value of routine; trusting your swing. Choose Ana Claudia Antunes, If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? Hey, were you just promoted from Army captain because I'm always up for getting another major? Henry Beard, Like clubs inside my golf bag / each verse a different face / Some to drive straight down the course / others lift and then embrace. Your email address will not be published. What does masturbation and 4 putting have in common? So, what are your thoughts? 75 Funny Knock Knock Jokes 2023 to Make You Laugh. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. How the heck did that happen? Get in the hole! Dirty Quotes For Women Golfers. QuotesGram Bye Bye Birdie. "Your game is so bad you had to have your ball retriever re-gripped!" Babe Ruth once said, "It took me 17 years to get three thousand hits in baseball. Instead of worrying about making a fool of yourself in front of a crowd of 4 or 40,000, forget about how your swing may look and concentrate instead on where you want the ball to go. "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember The worst club in my bag is my brain. Chris Perry, 42. Why does the temperature on the course rise after a long tournament ends? Ben Hogan, To find a mans true character, play golf with him. I've got some good news. You can talk about strategy all you want, but what really matters is resiliency. Hale Irwin, 50. When your golf cart capsizes. On a golf course, nature is neutered. Dont even putt. Dean Martin, need we say more? What Is The Difference Between a Golf Skirt and a Tennis Skirt? Have a look at these best picture quotes of funny golf. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. Why did Tarzan spend so much time at the golf course? I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. Gerald R. Ford, the 38th President of the United States and the first to admit a lack of talent on the links. I stepped on a rake. In a way, this quote is a stand-in for the entire volume of comedic wit and great golf quotes in Caddyshack. One fine day, John and Don are out golfing when John slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. What are a golfers favorite flowers? My shaft is bent. I am a Musician. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact a 7-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball. To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly. 18 Funny Golf Quotes to Keep You Laughing on - 18Birdies Go back in time and start playing at a younger age. I just havent played yet. Muhammed Ali, I mean, who else could say something like this? Success depends less on strength of body than upon strength of mind and character. Arnold Palmer, 52. Pretty is as pretty does. Harvey Penick, 61. Not just in the game, but that can be applied to life, relationships and ones mindset. "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off." Bruce Lansky 15 of 50 Scott Halleran/Getty Images "On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. No, but I'm willing to screw in them. He was puttering around. 5. Golf Skirts & Golf Skorts Stylish, Fun & Comfortable. No matter what you shoot the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin again and make yourself into something. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. The friend is quite amazed: That dog is really talented! THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE MAY NOT BE REPRODUCED, DISTRIBUTED, TRANSMITTED, CACHED OR OTHERWISE USED, EXCEPT WITH THE PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION OF DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. 2023 DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes, 17 Awful (But Mostly Funny) Golf Fails from 2013, This new Top Flite commercial is sophomoric, inappropriate, and very funny. Because all the other four letter words were taken. I . Dont break your heart, but flirt with the possibility. Louise Suggs, 8. I just finished a round of golf, wanna be my 19th hole today? Man: Please dont go. Why did Snoop Dogg bring an umbrella to the golf course? 6. There are no absolutes in golf. Bob Bruce One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball. I hope you can use them for your game and as inspiration. As he approached the threesome, he said Hey guys, do you mind if I play through. Golf is like doing your taxes. Obviously I'm a man that loves Gatorade and I'd definitely like to raid your gato. In case he gets a hole in one. I'm known on the tour for having a lengthy club. 7. Lorena Bobbit stealing your putter! Golfing is like masturbation, sex, or pooping?! Knock, knock The three tried & true methods of improving your game are: practice, study the pros, and cheat your ass off. Henry Beard, If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you dont have to waste energy going back to pick it up. Whats the best quality in a golf partner? Please add a link to this site. All lip, no hole. Just tap it in. Jan 1, 2016 - Explore Uwharrie Point | Golf Communit's board "Golf Quotes", followed by 482 people on Pinterest. "Golf is the perfect thing to do on a Sunday because you spend more time praying on the course than if you went to church." brockoli117 on Reddit.com. How I Lost Weight Playing Golf & Other Golf Benefits, Golf And Fitness Tips from a TPI Golf Fitness Instructor, How to Improve Your Handicap and Golf Game, How To Know What Golf Club to Use on the Golf Course, Goal Setting is a Great Way to Improving Your Golf Game, Best Putters for Women 2023 Find the Best Ladies Putters, Black Friday and Cyber Monday Golf Discounts. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". I love you and I want you to stay with me., Woman: You dont understandIm a hooker., Man: That is no problem, darlin, you probably just have too strong a grip.. Golfing? After 18 holes, I can barely walk. People may find dirty jokes shocking or disgusting, but no one can deny they're funny as hell! There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. You either need to learn to drink or take up golf. Turns out Im not a good scotch drinker. but I can show you what is! 10 Funniest Golf Quotes of All Time - Bleacher Report It means, in so many words, that if you can golf when the wind is blowing youre a man; if not, youre still a boy. And maybe thats why the highs were so high and the lows felt so low. Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines. What should you do if you're golfing near lightning? A bad hole wont get you a slap across the face when you play golf. The 19th hole. Its possible, by too much of it, to destroy the mind. Wash your balls. happen again! 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! The rest is being comfortable with the different situations on the course. Mickey Wright, 57. As he is about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffles onto the tee and asks if he can join him. Colleen Ferrary Bader, Behold, my child, this touching scene, the golfer on the golfing-green / Pray mark his legs uncanny swing / The golf-walk is a gruesome thing! After 18 holes I can barely walk. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? Ben Hogan. How far do you hit it? said Palmer. Robert Fuller Murray, The uglier a mans legs are, the better he plays golf. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. Michael Connelly, The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. My three keys to success: One, work hard. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. A man without a woman is like a pistol without a trigger; it is the woman who makes the man go off. Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "a468f26f096b5aaed8fdef8efc580f6f" );document.getElementById("h2249d7876").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Joe Torre, It is not possible to play golf consistently well without sound mental skills. Which pro golfers can jump higher than the flag? Are you sure you aren't all four majors because you would be a grandslam? Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. Mark Twain, the famous wordsmith who also said golf is a good walk spoiled. With the exception of the putter and the driver remember that you hit down on every other shot in golf. Please add a link to this article. Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off. Andrew Barton Paterson, A boss once told me, Colleen, its not about the meeting, its about the scotch after the meeting. Their fore-fathers! 2. The man has a little dog with him and on the first green, when the man holes out a 20 foot putt. Beyond this, the comedian and violinist (an epic combination) made the above joke about golf. H. G. Wells, The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. Do you know why the game is called golf? Funny Family Poems. "While playing golf today I hit two good balls. "The reason a pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.". Although worried this will slow him up, the younger man says, Of course. To his surprise, the old man plays quickly. If we . ~ Victor Hugo. They are the two things you can thoroughly enjoy even though you are really bad at them. Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Paul Harvey calling every golfer out. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. 19. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Raymond Floyd. Your email address will not be published. Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines; Dirty Music Pick Up Lines; Dirty Holiday Pick Up Lines; To find a man's true character, play golf with him. Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T? She asked her instructor. They expect to succeed! After several minutes of pondering how to hit the shot, the old man says, You know, when I was your age, Id hit the ball right over that tree. With the challenge before him, the young man swings hard, hits the ball, watches it fly into the branches, rattle around, and land with a thud a foot from where it had started. J.R. Rim, Till saints and angels hymn forevermore / The miracle of your astounding score / And He who keeps all players in His sight / Walking the royal and ancient hills of light / Standing benignant at the eighteenth hole / To everlasting Golf consigns your soul. 49 Dirty Quotes and Sayings You Must Pay Attention I have been able to hope for the best, expect the worst, and take what comes along. Spread your legs shoulder width, that's the first step to a successful golf swing. The fourth putt! The grass is clean, a lawn laundry that wipes away the mud, the insect, the bramble, nettle, and thistle, an Eezy-wipe lawn where nothing of life, dirty and glorious, remains. You may have heard these renowned quotes about funny golf before. Are you a water hazard? Follow These Tips on How To Handle Frustration. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyones game: its called an eraser. Arnold Palmer, the King of golf and comedy apparently. Spread your legs a little more. 50 Side-Splitting Golf Puns & Jokes For Any Situation I never prayed that I would make a putt. When you hit the cup but dont sink the shot, its called Prom Night. They dont have the heart for it. Golf Quotes About Life 22. 3. His comment gets at a few things: the wondrous and fascinating aspects of the game and its tendency to make bold-faced liars of its participants. I tell it that this isnt going to hurt a bit. 47 Hilarious Quotes About Driving. It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing you're a bad golfer. Palmer calmly said, What the hell do you want it to back up for?. Ben Hogan, And theres many neat cottages with gardens very nice / And picturesque villas, which can be rented at a reasonable price / Besides, theres a golf course for those that such a game seeks / Which would prove a great attraction to the knights of clubs and cleeks. See more ideas about golf quotes funny, golf, golf quotes. What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? After shooting 30 over par after 18 holes, Jim is on his way home from the 18th having a chat with his Karen. Golf is such an individual game, and no two people swing alike. Kathy Whitworth, 14. With trust, it feels like you and your golf club are partners dancing as one. -Bob Hope ", Its almost a law. Dirty Golf Sayings. The famed author of Centaur, John Updike wrote about the gentleman's game with some regularity. A dirty joke is a joke that is usually considered inappropriate because of its indecent punchline. Hey you better be able to laugh at yourself in this game, right? I always said you have to be really smart or really dumb to play this game well. Thats incredible. Nuts! You dont know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket. Lee Trevino at his best. After a particularly poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked despondently up the 18th. Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. The actor's quote relays an essential truth: Even the most mild-mannered golfer tends to lose his head when he sees or suspects someone else has hit or picked up his golf ball. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. The other 20. Boo who? Could you in the moment quiet your thoughts and execute? Paul Gallico, I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles. Read more: Hilarious poop jokes that kids will love! Because he thought every day he needed to play around. Hey babycan you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose? Why did Arnold Palmer get beat up? I bet that hurts a whole lot worse than tennis elbow?. 157 Good Golf Quotes For You To Tee Up and Swing Away See you in the Email! Dirt your body. They have a hard drive. Best Funny Golf Memes and Pictures in 2023 - MemesBams Basketball is a sport for black men. I'd say how hard do I hit it, he'd tell me and I'd swing. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf Youre too out-of-shape to play in the church softball league. putt." document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? If everything was given to you, it wouldnt feel as good when you achieve it. Annika Sorenstam, 24. What did Master Yoda say when Luke sliced the ball onto the next fairway over? He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. What's the difference between a golfball and a Nissan? A shot that goes in the cup is pure luck, but a shot to within two feet of the flag is skill. Ben Hogan, 5. Apparently, you cant get out of here with a seven. Of course, after painting the Mona Lisa, you'll likely soon be back to bleeding. He went up to her, talked to her, and convinced her to come back to his hotel room for the night. If you like football - I would rather think that you are active, optimistic and strict a bit. Jack Lemmon, There are many things you can successfully fake in businessbut a good golf swing isnt one of them. "Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.".